I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm at about main and main street
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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