Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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