Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
