Im at strip club and am horny
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
