How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
