he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Randomize
