Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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