Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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