Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
