I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
