I'm really into asian looking animals
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
