You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You need Xanax blowdarts
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
