so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I currently don't understand fingers.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
