I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
