I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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