I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
