oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
