I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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