i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
