You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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