C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
two words: eviction party
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
