I just made out with a guy for $7.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
