Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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