I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she smelled like a LAN party
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
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We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
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They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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