I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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