he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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