Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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