Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Sober January is a disaster.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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