So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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