The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
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couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
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