there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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