totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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