he thought i was a dude.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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