Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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