guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
