Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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