I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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