Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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