i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
