i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
