Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
