Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
