i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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