Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
