There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
