I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
