I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
