she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
