The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
