I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
