I just pynch a tree in the face
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
