Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
