I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
