A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
