Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
