Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
