rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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