dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
