I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
