i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Randomize
