it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
