Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
