stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
