he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
