I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
