Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
