I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
