Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
