Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
