i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
