When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
