I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I could make wine with my vomit
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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