dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
